Well, actually, well, if you asked me about identity, so I think it kind of when I first immigrated to the country. So I kind of lost—I’m in the state where I really lost where I am because I was born in Hong Kong.

And then when I came to these country, I was seventeen when I immigrated over here. But then I feel like, you know, when I attended University College, I tried to live with other roommates.

They were Caucasians, American-born Japanese, and somehow I feel like there was a wall between us. Somehow I always feel like a foreigner. And a lot of times when I tell them something,

I really feel like I’m introducing the Chinese culture or the Chinese food to them. I really feel like I’m not blending with them because a lot of times they are talking about some jokes that I don’t have background or context.

So they laugh, but I really feel like I’m kind of left out. So there was a time that I struggled for myself in terms of my identity—whether I belong here or I don’t belong here. I didn’t feel like I really blended in.

Not until later on in my life did I actually start seeing something about what American is. It’s not really a specific race that dominates the culture. It is a multiracial, multi-ethnic, multi-language society.

And given that context, suddenly I don’t feel like a foreigner anymore. Even though my English is not perfect, as long as I can communicate, if I can connect with people using whatever language that I have, I start noticing the beauty of people.

Sometimes I talk to strangers and feel like there is a connection between us. It is beyond language—beyond the spoken language. I really feel like, at least on the West Coast, there are a lot of multi-ethnic groups and a lot of diversity. You get to meet different types of people. Then you start having curiosity about people.

I’m able to strike conversations with people, and a lot of times there is something in common between us. Usually it is that common thing that actually connects us. So I really feel like, especially on the West Coast, it is a great opportunity for us to have these diverse communities and actually experience what it’s like to be an American.

Yeah, that’s all I have.

I had a, you know, as I think Professor Zhang knows that I came directly after my undergraduate. Since I went to IIT Delhi, from my previous batch almost half of the students had migrated outside. And that was a very interesting phenomenon.

While I was in my junior year in Delhi, I was very interested in NASA and the idea of going to the moon. So I had watched every single space launch while in Delhi, you know, as part of my engineering while I was doing my engineering. And so I was always curious.

I got the opportunity when NASA requested me, and based upon my work and so on. I wrote to them and they allowed me — the professor from University of Michigan wrote back to me and basically said, we would love to have you. And you know, we can offer you this kind of research assistantship and so on.

At the end of it they said, of course that is all contingent upon you getting admission in University of Michigan Ann Arbor. So I was very excited that now that I had a sponsor it would be easy for me to get admission.

I applied directly after my undergraduate into the PhD program. I was truly excited about coming to the USA without really knowing too much about what I should expect, other than the fact that Ann Arbor was next to the Motown.

And so I did not at all feel that I was out of place because I first came to Beirut, Beirut to Munich, Munich to London, London to New York, and New York to Detroit. They had requested me and said don’t go into the city because it is dangerous, in their last communication to me from the university packet.

I didn’t understand that. I had never heard anybody say don’t go inside the city from the airport. They had asked that you send us a telegram or letter saying when you will be arriving so somebody could meet you at the airport.

Somebody did meet me at the airport and we drove directly to Ann Arbor. They had a room for me and all those kinds of things. And I did not at all ever feel throughout my stay there that I was out of place.

Because right away I got involved in the activism of all the things that were taking place about the Vietnam War and things that I had never known. We organized the first Earth Day in Ann Arbor. And that was the whole idea of limits to growth.

So from an assimilation standpoint at the university, I did not at all feel that I was out of place. I was changing my apartment or room, as I called it, and I always had the pleasure of meeting different people from all over the world.

That was a very good assimilation process for me until I got on my first job after my master’s and MBA.

This is again, this is social media too, but I, you know, I’m a fan of Bruce Lee. You’ll probably know the Chinese American actors and kind of a folk hero among Chinese Americans. And I do follow him. And one thing I remember impact me is at a time that’s many, many years back, a few decades ago, right when he was interviewed by Anchor. And you know, they are constant challenge him to say, are you really, are you a Chinese or America? And he sit there for a second and responded, say, I am a human being. And I thought that was a very wise response, right? And and because we are human being first, that’s why we came to this country. You know everyone should be treated same and equal.

I actually see there are two different generations different like see in my own experiences, first generation came to this country, we’re Chinese first and then becoming American.

That’s why I feel like the process, so what’s inside you is always that final question you ask yourself. You know, at first I always feel this tool seems like contradictory. If you maintain your Chinese identity, you’ll become American. Whether you’ll become American, then you’ll betray your old country.

Whether you only later, you know, later, you know, after being here a long time, understand this country better. I realized actually, that’s not a contradictory. The two are not mutually exclusive because American is a country that consists of immigrants that come all over the countries, all over the world. Everyone you know can come here. You can still maintain your own cultural heritage, but you can also become America because it is a place you’re not.

America is not defined. Your identity is not defined by your heritage or where the country of origin or color of skin or your culture, your religion. It’s really this basic concept. Are all men created equal? We come here, you know, we have the fundamental right and we’re under the same Constitution.

So to be American, you only have to be loyal to the Constitution and believe in American spirit. That’s not losing your own identity. So that’s from first generation, my own experiences. It took a while for me to come go through that internal journey to understand it. But turn around. I’m looking at my children.

They’re all born here and grown up here. So our children growing up, they just feel themselves Americans. They just fit in whatever they, you know, they do. Like my daughter grew up in Pittsburgh. Most of her friends are blonde and blue eyes and you know, those are throughout her school.

When she went to California, attending University of Southern California and then all of a sudden she found there’s a forty percent of student body are Asian. And then as she begin to learn, she begin to feel maybe succeeding like you, she feel there’s Asian ways of doing things and she never really feel that way before.

And then at a certain point they begin to looking back, try to find their own Chinese heritage, even though yes, we do take them to Chinese event and you know spring festivals and then come to Chinese schools and everything else. Only when they begin to realize usually as I know that in their early twenties they start all this real life and then they come back, try to learn about their not actually conscious.

They try to learn about their culture. My daughter participated, you know, was one of the lead actress in the movies called Love in Taipei. So what happened there? They have to win, have to go to Taipei to onsite to shoot for three months.

Before she entered movies in English, you know, so it’s not, you know, they’re that’s all in English. But she begin to really anxious talking to her mother, talking to me about the culture, about heritage, about language and everything else. Later we have some relatives in Taiwan. So we introduced her to the relative, said you know she will be there shooting a movie and then they get together.

But the response I got later from my relative was really interesting because they had dinner with her. She was invited with whole room full of Chinese friends and relatives. My relative later comment on her, said they were impressed that even though her Chinese wasn’t perfect, she had some basic conversation.

And that’s the second generation. They are very much Americans. They feel everything they do. But they also now coming back begin to treasure and value their Asian American heritage. So that tells me this is the identity, you know, your belonging, where you’re belonging.

But I thought the balance is yes we’re Americans, but American is ideal. It’s a place. We come here for that ideal, for that Constitution. Because of that American, the beauty of American is you can of course treasure and value whatever heritage you have and feel proud about them.

At the same time you can still be a good American. Nothing wrong with that. Those two are not mutually exclusive, actually not even contradictory. So I thought that’s the kind of my observation and that’s how I resolve my own internal conflict at first I feel.

So I think now we want to see the next generation, the hero generation, treasure their heritage, Chinese American, Asian American, whatever heritage. At the same time just be American. That’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s nothing contradictory.

They can still treasure and inherit their culture. And this is what America is all about. So I feel we can certainly belong without losing our own identity.

I think keeping a balance is important these days because there are so many options, so much freedom available, especially in this modern society, right?

And individualism in America is great because it does not limit us to who people think we should be, or what our culture limits us to, or when our parents tell us you can be this way or not this way.

I had a friend—she was an international student years ago. She’s from Japan and lived here for a few years, had an American boyfriend, perfect English and everything.

But as a student, she couldn’t work, so she had to depend on her family for support.

And her father is so traditional Japanese that he would support her as long as she does things the Japanese way.

So her car broke, and she needed a new vehicle. She looked and looked, and she really liked a Mustang.

She went to the dealership and negotiated a good price and, you know, really wanted to get it—but she needed money at that time. It was like sixteen thousand or something.

So she called her dad up, and her dad went ballistic. He was just so mad to even have the conversation, and he cut off all her financial support.

She couldn’t pay her rent. She didn’t have money for food. She couldn’t do anything.

And then her dad said the only way you can survive in America—otherwise you come home—is you get some Japanese brand car.

And she really didn’t like it. She talked to me, she talked to a few other friends, but she had no choice.

So she ended up getting a Mitsubishi, and then her father just, you know, started paying all the bills again.

And you can’t blame him because he’s in Japan, and he’s living in a society that’s just the way it is.

But he was really controlling the daughter long distance.

But back to individualism—sometimes people go extreme. Sometimes people become too self-centered, self-advancing in ways that jeopardize other people’s well-being.

So we keep a balance.

I guess a little bit of the Asian tradition is good, but not let it limit us.

I found myself challenged to fit into any boxes and, you know, so it is—well, all the time I see is both the beauty of it and the challenges of it, of both.

You know, I found it—the beauty of it sometimes is because like, well, no one know I’m anyone, so I can be anyone, which is great in America. I can be anyone anytime.

So this part I can be the Chinese. I can speak Chinese all you want in Chinatown.

And then at this part, I’ll be all gay and I would see no Chinese, which is awesome.

And on this part, I would be like talk about, you know, substance use, HIV prevention and all that—that thing I said, oh, I can become a health official, you know, and no one dare to do that pose. I will.

You know, like, you know, I do outreach for like passing condoms at the Japanese blossom festival. You know, I went to hide the condom and information inside fortune cookies and takeout boxes, you know, I created—natively created.

Well, what would take them—take this thing, you know—so that is condoms and information about sexual health, whether it’s for your, you know, granddaughter or whatnot.

So I had to pass out those to seniors and whatnot, right, the parents.

And so I hide them inside those—I created those Chinese takeout boxes, you know, buy a lot of the little ones. And then I went and had the fortune cookies inside.

In the fortune cookie, I put the slip, you know, like hotline for, you know, suicide prevention or HIV prevention, whatever.

I had the Chinese lady put into the fortune cookies that slip, and then I put it inside the box with some other goodies.

You know, then I know, you know, Asians love taking those free gifts. So I handed out all that in the Japanese festival and the Chinese festival.

That’s how I spread some of the health messages at that time.

And so, you know, I found that I was able to—because I’m not fitting in—it allowed me to position myself with the freedom to do so, to accomplish what I’m out to accomplish at times as an outsider or partly insider.

So, you know, I will pick different boxes based on my advocacy. So I can be the Chinese this way or the gay this way, and then not the Chinese, and then not—or half American or immigrant.

Like, you know, I’d be able to allow myself to go different directions and do what I think is right and not taboo, you know, and important to speak up for those who otherwise suffer or are at a disadvantage or being ignored or neglected—their needs—because they weren’t trained to share, to speak up for what they need.